Artist of the Week: Ann Liv Young

Ann Liv Young is the last great pioneer in crude and unusual performance art. Completely unafraid to interact with the audience on a very raw, derogatory and unscripted level. Live sex, urine drinking and bathing in blood are all apart of Ann's show. She doesn't set out to shock it just happens. People are feeble. Though would it still be considered art and entertainment if the crude acts performed in her show were the social norm. Probably not. Check it out for yourself. What do you think? Art?

Band of the Week: Sleigh Bells

Sleigh Bells is coming fresh out of New York. Sh*t is heavy. Check it out. A new excuse for white kids to crank up the bass on their car stereo.

Your Purebred Pedigree Dog Disgusts Me.

Your purebred pedigree dog disgusts me. You are aware that your poor animal is inbred and genetically tainted? The animal is falling apart. You've managed to create a mutant. For cosmetic purposes. Pug's can't breathe, their spines are twisting. Spaniels are dying because their skull is too small for their brains. Bulldogs must now have caesarean sections in order to give birth, their skulls have become so inflated. Rhodesian Ridgebacks spines are deformed and the deformity causing the "ridge" is the desirable trait. The desirable trait in Rhodesian Ridgebacks , in fact, comes with the potential for a lethal skin disease that generates lesions on the skin that burrow into the spinal column and brain providing a gateway for deadly infection. 1 in 20 of these dogs are born without the ridge, a sign of a healthy puppy, these dogs will be culled. The culling of perfectly healthy dogs is common practice among breeders, if the dog does not display adequate genetic mutation, or as a breeder may call it "proper markings" the dog will be put down as a puppy.

This would of course be unacceptable in humans. The overwhelming majority of the population would be sentenced to death if the women were not between the weight range of 90-110 lbs and perfectly manicured. Same for men. We would have to be perfectly sculpted and groomed. The most vile part is that we breed these animals for their imperfections, for the genetic faults, and grotesque variations in their body.

If humans were to start breeding Mother to Son and Father to Daughter we would also have massive genetic defects breeding multiple genetic disorders in single individuals. There are an estimated 10,000+ Pugs in Britain, but the dog is so inbred it is estimated that out of that 10,000 there are 50 individuals. When did it become desirable for a dog to have no face? S*ck fucks. I would urge you to stop buying and breeding pedigree animals. All dogs lineage can be traced back to the wolf. The deformed skulls, bodys, spines, excess skin, lack of facial structure... these are not evolutionary traits. These are man made deformities created to fuel our ego. We have deformed another creature many times over to create something that we yet again see as cosmetically attractive. Where does our greed stop?

The Bulldog was bred to be agile, and to tempt the Bull. If the dog cannot move the dog dies. Do we think of bull dogs as agile creatures these days? No, but that is what they were originally bred to be. It started with practicality and function. A working dog. It has transformed from an already twisted vision into a now sick and debilitating trend. People are rewarded for breeding creatures that will inevitably end up sick and in pain.

If you are wondering why your dog is having seizures, it's because the animals brain has grown too large for it's skull. This is incredibly painful, think of a lasting migraine, something like a thousand pistons combusting and pushing all the pressure created by that inflating your brain and pushing against your skull and you'll have an inkling of what it feels like to be a Spaniel or toy dog breed.

The inbreeding of pedigree dogs has destroyed these animals. Some breeds will not live past the age of 5 without developing serious illness. We have created a scenario in which 90% of the genes present in dogs 40 years ago has been lost and the current genetic variation of pedigree dogs is 10% of what is was those few decades ago. In some countries this lack of genetic variation would be cause to list an animal as endangered. If the breeding continues as is, their will be a distinct and painful end for these animals. They will become infertile and they will die. Disgusting.

Sh*t That Got Me High As a Kid

Even as children we are looking for something to do, something to excite us, something to stimulate us... something to get us high. As we had limited transport and funds Pokemon, PG-13 movies and the conquest to impress girls by stealing their sh*t and lighting it on fire all seemed like viable options to achieve said euphoria.

Pokemon was released in Japan in 1996 and then grabbed our American youth by their Poke Balls when the trading card game was released in the US in 1998, for my generation the grip loosened up on the approach to 2000. Though the trading cards and Nintendo games are still prevalent in our current youth population that first onslaught must have been what the mid-sixties felt like for San Francisco, as 9 & 10 year olds we got f*ckin high off that sh*t! I wouldn't feel the rush I got from buying an 11 card booster pack and not knowing what rare card (indicated by either a star or foil background) I was going to get until the discovery of certain illicit substances years after. I once traded my entire card collection, probably worth somewhere near the $150 mark, for a Charzard... a terrible mistake, my mother was, needless to say, absolutely f*cking furious, this got me high. I would also regret that decision about 5 minutes after the trade, but for that 5 minutes... f*ckin Buddah didn't have sh*t on me! Ewan McGregor should have just skipped Mother Superiors and gone straight to Wizards of the Coast.

I remember both my first horror movie and my first PG-13 flick. The first time I ever went to see a PG-13 movie was with my then childhood friend Anthony Vogt one of my childhood crew. Anthony's parents being French and slightly more lax than mine seemed to let us get away with way more sh*t than mine would out front of my house, including throwing smoke bombs into just about anything mail boxes, cars and off the overpass and onto the highway (this was in retrospect admittedly more dangerous than it was hilarious at the time, this also got us high). We went to go and see The Fast and The Furious... phenomenal. This movie is everything a man's movie should be... fast cars, hotter women and hot women driving fast cars, throw in a few guns and a fight scene or two and you're set. This was extremely exciting, I remember immediately after seeing that movie at the age of 11 deciding to modify cheap Japanese motors and steal sh*t for a living, this got us high.

The second movie I saw rated above my age grade was a terrifying flick, now a joke, Stephen King's werewolf movie Silver Bullet. Gary Busey featured in this flick before cracking his skull open in 88' riding his motorcycle. Accident or not I am pretty sure that mother f*cker has probably always been bat sh*t crazy. I watched this one with the third member of our ensemble Andrew O'Dwyer an Irish kid. The first time I met Prune (his nickname, why Prune? that is lost to the ages.) I was pretty convinced he was crazy... even for a 9 year old cruisin' around the neighborhood in full camouflage, with your face painted, wearing an eyepatch and brandishing a pocketknife is kind of suspect. We watched this late one night when his parents were out, we felt extremely badass repeating lines like "I'm gonna fill you full of lead mother f*cker!" the next day at school, this got us high. More than that there was an abandoned old church in our neighborhood, we would convince ourselves that the werewolf pastor from the movie was living in that church and ride our bike over there at night. The adrenaline rush you get as a 10 year old kid booking sh*t straight down the middle of the street after hearing a loud crash whilst you're exploring the grounds is sure to last weeks, this got us high. After that we found ourselves riding our bike in the dead center of the street every time we had to travel at night for fear the wolf might be in the bushes along the pathways.

For whatever reason growing up boys are generally convinced that the best way to get attention from girls is to be complete d*ck. Girls, understand we never did any of this intentionally we just weren't sure how to approach you without losing our sense of boyish masculinity. Andrew, Anthony and I spent years stealing backpacks and pulling chairs out from under girls in our class just as they were about to sit down in some desperate attempt to get some kind of recognition. After years of harassing the females in our grade and securing our reputation as trouble makers things finally came to a head at the end of 5th grade, we were finally getting the attention we had worked so hard for! Our middle school next year would host a series of "dances" at the City's recreation center where we got more than our fair share of our attention... that's right we had worked our way in. At this point the prospect of placing your hands on another girls hips and possibly in other places was a tantalizing thought, this got us high. This was to be short lived, 5 years of hard work was to be swept out from under me as my family relocated to Colorado when I was 11, Prune was sent to Catholic school and Anthony moved to Seattle. Needless to say I returned a year or so later and Prune and I got right back to stirring sh*t up, we immediately went out and purchased a couple zippo lighters, two BB guns and a stash of minor fireworks. If I recall correctly we'd had these items for about 5 hours when we went to one of our friend's parties from middle school when one of the girls caught a rogue flaming roll of Smarties to the face, possibly her eye and collapsed into tears by the pool. After which we quickly made our exit, this also got us high.

All this sh*t got us, or at least me, high when I was a kid. It was something to do, something to stimulate us and with our limited, actually nonexistent, game and no knowledge of illicit substances whatsoever this is what we came up with. I would still match the best days of my childhood with the best Albert Hoffman or Timothy Leary could cook up. And my best days as a kid would undoubtedly come out on top.

What got you high as a kid?

Saggy, Seriously?

The New York Post recently published a brief article detailing a situation where a young man was ticketed for disorderly conduct because "his pants down below his buttocks exposing underwear [and] potentially showing private parts." Many cities and towns across the United States have made a move to outlaw fashion decisions such as Ruben's. Ruben has the right to dress how he wants. I don't know how many women really want to be seen with a guy displaying his worn Spongebob boxers but that is his choice. What this displays more than Ruben's undergarments is the ludicrous amount of time the American judicial system wastes on trivial issues like whether or not Ruben wishes to sag his pants.

The first time I saw someone displaying this fashion trend was in 6th Grade with a pair of red basketball shorts, up until this point I was completely oblivious to it and would remain so for a couple more years at which point my pants would also begin to hang below my waistline. My immediate thought was "What the f*ck is that guy doing?". I remember thinking that he must have been changing in the courtyard of my middle school, strange behavior considering there were females present, then realizing that his pants weren't actually coming off or being adjusted upwards I figured he was also oblivious to the fact that I could see the entirety of his, If I remember correctly, green plaid boxers.

Not more than 2 years later at the height of my own middle school career I too found that my pants had begun to inch closer and closer to the tip of my dick, had my cock been any longer and my shirts larger (it would be another couple years before the discovery of the XXL T-Shirt for myself) they surely would have continued on this trend. I don't remember making the decision consciously but then again I don't remember any decisions consciously up until a few years ago.

Most fads or trends have a life cycle that go as follows; the idea is novel, the idea catches on, and the idea dies after losing it's novelty. Jazzercise, the Macarena and now f*cking Crocs are all prime examples of fads that have been cramping America's style from the 80's, 90's and today. We have witnessed the death of Jazzercise and the Macarena and are still waiting on the obituary for Crocs. The sagging of the pants however seems to be edging toward a permanent fixture in the style in our youth and young adult population. I for one at the ripe old age of 20 am already beginning to regret this blunder and have recently adopted the liberal use of a belt in all of my fits. As of right now though the fad is holding fast to the male adolescent and seems to be a fad to be matured out of and I am okay with that. If they want to outlaw something the Macarena would be a perfect candidate, that f*cking dance paralyzed the nation for the better part of a decade!

Side note: The origin of sagging your pants originated in the United States prison system. Inmates are prohibited from wearing belts and using shoelaces because of the potential use as weapons or as an instrument to commit suicide. It has also been said that sagging ones pants indicates willingness as a sexual partner (true or false?). Outside of the penitentiary and on the streets it came to represent time served.

The Root of the Hill

The Root of The Hill is one of Boulder's location's I feel is worth mentioning. So just to give an idea of what this little underground mecca has to offer... It's a very eclectic small retail spot on the Hill (a college student infested lump at the center of Boulder) with a conjoined underground venue and dispensary. The store sells for the most part a great selection of urban clothing, paint, and glassware alongside a number of other random oddities. The Root hosts a number of small to moderately sized parties showcasing local and underground acts from all over the western half of the United States every year. Most frequently raves, but the occasional hip-hop act can be found on stage. Given they have to compete with the nearby Fox Theatre they seem to hold their own.

What really needs to be noted about The Root is that though a phenomenal place to find a dope hoodie or a fat marker, what inspires me is the noble attempt at linking Boulder to a very small niche culture based around underground creativity via music and art, be it hip-hop, dubstep or a hat designed by Jeremy Fish. A culture that certainly isn't prevalent in such a small city.

Whether or not the owner (Mike, pictured above) is even aware that half of what he offers in his shop relates to my own deep seeded interest in underground creativity with pieces in his store designed by Munk One and clothing produced by Upper Playground, a site that supports such prolific contemporary artists like David Choe and Estevan Oriol, I am not sure. I lied... I'm actually pretty positive he has no idea whatsoever. This however just adds to the magic of the spot though, surfing through the racks of shirts and rifling through the store finding little bits and pieces, shards of a culture that's thriving far from where we are here in Boulder, that somehow traversed the midwest and made it to The Root of the Hill. It's nice knowing that there's somewhere here I can access that little piece of culture outside of a computer.

The shop might be expensive, the company might be disorganized and some of the parties might be half-assed. But for what little it has given me I am very very grateful.

Smelly Deli

If you are between the ages of 16 and 32, reside in Boulder and are not located in the county jail you have probably paid a late night visit to this dump site.

The University Hill Market & Deli is a great late night drunkard's mecca out front of The Fox on The Hill. The gyros at this place will make your penis stand on end. The affectionately dubbed "Smelly Deli" has virtually everything you could possibly need between the hours of 10pm and 3am. Especially seen as all you could possibly need between the hours of 10am and 3pm besides a Miller Lite consists of some food, a pack of cigarettes or a condom, maybe all of them. Remember, condom is to penis as sandwich is to mouth.

The real beauty about the Deli is located towards the back of the store and to the right at the end of the rainbow of Energy drinks and Sodas. This bathroom isn't clean, it's functional. It's actually filthy. This is without a doubt the most tagged bathroom in Boulder, and it's phenomenal. The number of one time 2am blurbs, colors and hand styles could hold my attention for hours. Be aware these aren't just scribbles they are signatures, signatures that took hundreds sometimes thousands of repetitious movements to create that specific style, those clean beautiful lines. A person literally has to learn to wield, not just hold, but wield their marker to create those lines on hundreds of different surfaces.

The real special thing about this location though is anyone who has ever tagged anything in Boulder has more than likely been in their and written their piece. The real fun in being in that bathroom is if you've paid any attention to the infrastructure of the city you can find tags from all over Boulder on the walls of this bathroom. Write your piece before they finally decide it's time to clean shop.